This is my attempt to organize my thoughts in a way that might make sense to someone. I have this tendency to complain about the same things but never really fix them. I think my life would be a lot easier if I would just fix my damn problems as apposed to wallow in self pity.
My husband, like with many people I have realized, has a love affair with technology. It is really hard to pull his mind out of what he is doing even for a minute. He is the smartest person I know and yet lacks the essential skills for making and keeping friends that are "real." (not internet people that are only there on chat and occasional xbox live chat) This plain and simple fact makes our life together very hard. I was always a social butterfly and surrounded by everyone.
We met on myspace. He was drunk and started to send me messages. I had just moved back from school and was feeling lonely and out of my element. So we talked for a while and I noticed a friend on his page that I knew from an old job so I finally agreed to go see a movie with him. That night we watched two and a half movies... Yeah I know I'm horrible but about half way though the 3rd movie I turned and looked at him and said "OK! I need attention" This statement lead to heavy making out and eventually a really good time ;) if you know what I mean. As the time went on I didn't know what to do I thought this was solely a physical thing... But it turned on me. Things somehow changed. I was torn between two great guys... One lived about 800 miles away and the other was about 10 from my parents house and 2 from work. I really struggled for a few months about what I wanted out of life and where I needed to be to do it. I took some time off from my now husband and did some... lets call it soul searching. In that time I realized that there was only one person that made me want to lock myself in a bedroom just us, away from the noise and the commotion, away from all the people that I felt like I had to impress and be part of. That person I am happy to say married me a year and a half later. While our life is insanely hard and some days I would rather kill him than look at him, I am still desperately in love with him.
I don't know if this post will mean anything to anyone but I think it is what I needed to write. We have been having a hard time as of late and I need to continually remind myself how much I really do love him.
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